


If I asked, would you stay?

by BeautyIsEverywhere, KissMeBefore_the_wolfbanesetsin



Category: The Fosters
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-01-19 20:52:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1483504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautyIsEverywhere/pseuds/BeautyIsEverywhere, https://archiveofourown.org/users/KissMeBefore_the_wolfbanesetsin/pseuds/KissMeBefore_the_wolfbanesetsin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is about Jude and Connor and their growing relationship. Starting after his adoption and the new season. although this will be Jonnor based and slightly different to the original fosters there will still be some references to the show. I love angst, so there will be some drama and major events happening. This is my first ever fanfic so Feel free to read and comment!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The nostalgia from getting adopted only a few hours earlier is still fresh in Jude’s mind as he goes into, officially, his room. Kicking off his shoes, Jude looks over the room. From Jesus’s skateboard to his backpack laying by his bed he can’t help but feel some guilt. After all, he wanted to get adopted with his sister. So they could all officially be a family together. “

"Hey Jude” Connor’s familiar voice says as he sneaks into the room. “I brought you a piece of cake” he says holding the plastic plate out. “Thanks.” Connor half smiles as he sits down next to Jude. The awkward silence filling the air makes Jude Shake. They’ve sat in silence before so why should this be any different? “I’m sorry” Jude says breaking the silence. “I was the one being a jerk. I should’ve let you go out with her.” Jude lets out a shaky breath, beginning to fiddle with his hands, his nail polish. Looking anywhere but Connor. As the awkwardness begins to fill the air. Connor gets up, releasing the dip in the bed.

“Connor?” Jude says. His voice harsh with the ever growing lump in his throat. “What’s wrong?” As Connor notices the worry in Jude’s voice, he sits back down next to him. “Jude?” Connor looks at Jude, worry in his eyes. He’s never seen Jude so upset. Not since his mom got shot.

“If I tell you something, you promise you won’t get mad?” Jude says. Connor nods unsure of what he’s about to say. Jude takes a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak. “I..I think I might like you. Like like you.” Jude says. “I was jealous of you and Maddy because I didn’t know if I was gay or not so I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was true.” Jude continues.

“Jude-“

“But when we fought I got scared cause I didn't wanna lose you as a friend or anything because you're the only person who's ever been nice to me-"

“Jude-”

but Jude rambles on. Listing off all the things about their relationship. From when they first met, to why Connor wouldn’t be interested in him like that. Jude’s still rambling when Connor decides to make him be quiet. Pressing his lips to Jude’s. it’s quick, sweet and only used to make him stop talking. When Connor pulls away, Jude’s looking at him. Eyes as big as the Empire State Building and heart racing. “Jude, stop for a second okay? I don’t know what I am. I’m still trying to figure out what shoes I like to wear. But, I do like you. You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met, and sweet and adorable” Connor smiles down at him. “Boys, we’re about to watch a movie, you coming down?” Lena says from the door, looking in. Both him and Connor nod as she walks back out the door. As Connor stands up, Jude quickly grabs his hand. “Wait, um, could we- could we stay here? Just for a little while?” Connor looks at the door before laying back on Jude’s bed, opening his arms and legs slightly. Patting in between, silently asking Jude to join him. As Jude smiles and lets Connor hold him, he realizes that, even though he may have problems in the future, he has a family and people that love him and that’s all he really wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So should this be one big fic or a series of one-shots? Let me know after you read this chapter! Thanks!

Waking up the next morning, Jude shifts in his bed. Drool hanging slightly out of his mouth. It isn't until he tries to sit up that he realizes something is hanging over his stomach. he glances over and remembers. Connor. His head rests on the other side of Jude's pillow. Snoring slightly. Jude smiles at him. He quickly glances around, trying to figure out whether he should get up and disturb Connor's sleep or if he should lay back down and enjoy this for as long as he can. His selfish side wins as he carefully lays back down. 

He can feel his eyes begin to droop again as Connor stirs. Opening his eyes to meet Jude's. 

"Hey" Connor says. sleep evident in his voice. 

"Hi" Jude says. For a minute they're just laying there. Jude looking over every aspect of Connor's face and coming to terms that his face is way more interesting than whatever might be happening outside of this room. it's not until they hear a knock at the door that they sit up. Stef walks in.

"good morning boys. There are waffles and eggs downstairs if you're hungry. Connor your Mom called, she's coming to get you." Connor nods and stretches as Stef walks out of the room, leaving the door cracked. It's silent for a long time. Jude and Connor aren't moving and the air is slightly tense.

"you stayed"

It takes Connor a minute to actually _hear_ what Jude said. "Yeah. should I not have?"

"No no I was just- your mom, seemed worried. I don't want you to get in trouble." Jude says, beginning to look down at his hands. Jude feels a hand cup his cheek and he looks up, once again, they're just staring at each other and Jude thinks he can get used to this. Then Connor is leaning down and placing a chaste kiss to Jude's lips. If he smiled any wider his cheeks might explode. "We should go downstairs, before the food gets cold

 

The only people in the house when they go downstairs is Stef, Lena, and Marianna.

"Morning Judicorn" Marianna says giving him a wink.

"Hey, where's everybody else?"

"Callie went out with Wyatt, Jesus is with Emma, I don't know where Brandon is" she says sitting down on a stool. "So, you and Connor?" she says. Jude quickly looks around, finding Connor by the steps, putting on his shoes. He looks back to Marianna. "I guess." Jude says trying to hide his smile. "Well, he's a nice guy. If you ever need any advice or whatever, you know where I am." she says before going back upstairs to her room.

"My mom's outside" Connor says. walking into the kitchen and putting his arms around Jude's waist and grabbing a piece of bacon off the table. "that was fast" Jude says, disappoint in his voice. Connor notices and gives Jude's hand a gentle squeeze. "Don't worry, i'll call you later. okay?" Jude nods before Connor releases his waist and walks to the front door, waving back at him as he leaves.

Everything was going right. Everything was going right in Jude's life and he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs at how excited he was. He couldn't stop smiling. For once he had finally gotten everything he wished for. Happiness. In the back of his mind he couldn't help but wonder what callie's reaction to this would be. Of course she loves him, but he also doesn't want another 'nail polish' incident. "Hey Bud" Lena says walking into the kitchen with Stef not far behind.

"Hey moms, what's up?" He sits on the stool and grabs a piece of bacon. "We just wanted to talk, you know make sure everything is okay and understood. With Connor."

"Oh yeah, no problem you guys can trust me." Jude says smiling around his bacon. Stef laughs. "we know sweetie, it's just protocol. So,we let last night slide but as you know there are no girlfriends or boyfriends in the rooms." Jude dawns on that word. _boyfriend._ Stef lists off the other rules of the house with relationships and Jude nods along. "Are we clear?"

"Jude". Lena says. "Huh?" "Are we clear on the rules?"

"Oh yeah, yeah. Totally. Um, may I be excused? I kind of want to get out of these." Jude says motioning to his pants and shirt from the previous night. "Sure bud."

  * * *

After his shower Jude decides that he probably won't be doing anything else for today so he puts on something more comfortable.

"Hey Jude, come here for a sec." Marianna yells into the hallway. "What's up?" Jude says sitting onto her bed. "Which color do you like more?" She says holding up red and purple nail polish bottles. After a minute Jude says "The Red one. It brings out your eyes."

Marianna smiles. "Really? Thanks. So, did you and Connor have a good sleep?" She says. Jude nods. "Yeah, He's really sweet. He said he'd call me later. I really like him, I've never really liked anyone like this before. He makes my stomach all knotty." Jude says, looking down at his fingers and blushing. "That's a good sign little bro, he's a keeper. I get the same thing with Zach." Marianna says, sadness in her voice.

"Are you guys still together? with him moving away and all." Jude says. "He's leaving in a week. So, i'm trying to savor it as much as I can." she says, nudging Jude. Suddenly, Jude hears his cellphone go off. "I gotta go, I think that's Connor." Marianna nods. Before Jude leaves he turns around. "Marianna, would you mind, painting mines later, too?" Jude says.

"Sure. And I meant it, my door is always open" Jude nods and goes into his room.

 

He picks up his cellphone on the third ring. "Hey, that was fast" Jude says into the phone. "Oh sorry should I call back later?"

"No! I mean..you don't have to." Connor laughs. "so I was thinking we could go to the movies next week? We could go see that new-" something crashes on the other side and Jude thinks maybe it's just a lamp. "Everything okay?" Jude says.

"um, yeah. anyway, we could go see the new horror movie. I heard it's  _actually_ scary."

jude actually hates scary movies but he thinks an hour alone with Connor in the dark isnt a bad thing. "Yeah sure i'd like that" there's another crash and yelling on the other line again and somebody saying "bitch!" 

"Um, do you think we could finish this up later?" Connor says. 

Jude silently nods. "Sure"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, i did this one after a pretty rough day so sorry if it's not very good. Kudos and Comments are appreciated! Thanks

The pounding of the alarm rang in Jude's ear as he woke up. Thank god they didn't have school today. Praise MLK. 

"Turn it off" Jesus grumbles into his pillow from across the room. Jude slams his hand down on the off button and rubs his eyes. He unlocks his phone and sees that he has a missed Call from Connor. he checks the clock 9:30 and he called an hour ago. He walks out of his room and down the steps, careful not to make too much noise. he contemplates calling Connor back. It was only an hour ago but maybe he fell back to sleep and didn't want to be bothered. The ticking of the clock was aggrivating. Jude slowly decided to Dial the familiar number and wait. Connor picks up on the 5th ring. 

"Hey."

"Hey. I got your call." Connor coughs. "Yeah. Sorry about that. couldn't sleep. I was just wondering if, maybe, you wanted to do something? Today?" 

"Like what?"

"We could go to the Beach by the school. It's pretty warm out and since it's early almost nobody will be there." Jude smiles. "Um, sure. I'd like that. I just need to tell my moms first."   "Yeah okay i'll be there in a few." Jude shifts on his feet and goes up to his moms' room to find them fast asleep. He walks over to Lena since she's the most lenient after all and taps her shoulder. she groans. "Um, mom can i go to the beach with Connor? I'll be back by lunch." 

She nods and then makes a gesture that Jude can only define as "Go away" so he does. He goes back into his room, careful not to wake Jesus and he gets some shorts, his swimtrunks and his shirt. It's 15 minutes before Connor gets to his house. 

The walk to the beach is quiet. Nothing but the rustle of the wind and the many thoughts going through Jude's mind. But it's the most comfortable he's been with somebody. The smell of the ocean hits Jude's nose and he smiles to himself. He's never felt so free. 

"are you okay?" Jude blurts out and Connor stops walking. "Y-yeah. why?" "well, you kind of called me early with no explanation. And when we talked yesterday there was arguing so-"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          "So what? arguing happens in families. It's none of your business, i'm fine so just leave it alone." Connor says huffing. Once he sees the look on Jude's face he sighs. "I'm sorry I-" "Let's just go to the beach." Jude says before stalking off. Connor grabs his wrist. "Wait, i'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow up at you." 

"What's wrong?" Connor sighs. "My parents have just been fighting lately." Jude steps closer. "It's nothing. They're fine." Connor says looking at his feet. "Well, you know you can come over whenever right?" Jude says, moving his hand so that they're fingers are intertwined. Once he realizes what he's done he tries to pull his hand back but Connor holds on. "I know." He smiles bright and they continue to walk to the beach. 

Connor almost immediately takes his shirt off when they set foot in the sand and runs towards the water. Jude sits in the sand and digs his hands and feet in it. Making small sand castles and humming. "Come on!" Connor yells over the waves. Jude laughs and shakes his head. Connor motions once more and when Jude disagrees he gets out of the water and runs to Jude. "The water's great. you sure you don't wanna go in?" Jude shrugs. Out of the corner of his eye he sees A line going down Connor's back. it's red and slightly bleeding. Jude slowly lifts his hand and glides his fingers across;making Connor jump. 

"What are you doing?" "I-what happened?" Connor sits back. "I-it's nothing." he says, looking for his shirt. "Connor." "What?" Connor knew he would regret yelling at Jude again when he got home but right now he couldn't care less. "Tell me what happened" Jude says standing up. "Or i'm leaving" Connor looks down at his hands. He can hear Jude sigh and begin to walk away but he can't seem to form the words. His mouth has gone dry and the only person he's ever truly comfortable with is leaving him now. 

"They're doing more than just arguing." he says before his mind can catch up and tell him to stop. Jude turns back around. "They've fought a couple times, but it never got physical. One night, she pushed him and he got mad. so he..he hit her. I tried to make them stop but he just-he pushed me into a mirror. The glass broke and it cut me." Connor finishes, his eyes never leaving the sand. He tries to count the amount as he pushes his feet deeper. Maybe if he tried hard enough he could get swallowed up. He was dreading looking up and seeing that look of pity of Jude's face. Like his situation was bad. Many people have it worst so Connor has no reason to complain about a few petty fights between his parents that a trip to a counselor won't solve. Not when people like Jude, and Callie have had it way worst. being tossed around and thrown away so many times. He has no room to complain.

When he looks up it's only then that he realizes he said some of that out loud. Jude looks shocked, horrified. Connor's expecting him to take out his cellphone and call the cops and report it. He Doesn't. He expects him to look at him with shame. He Doesn't. Instead Jude sits down next to him and intertwines their fingers. "If it ever gets too bad or you can't take it. Come to me first? Please?" Jude says looking into Connor's eyes. He contemplates telling him no. That he can handle it and all they need is a few meetings with their marriage counselor because Connor isn't the type to back down or give up easily. He's supposed to fight for what he wants and he wants his family back to the way they were. But he's looking at Jude and he doesn't want to hurt him either. He might break his promise a while down the road but they'll worry about that when they come to it. Right now it's Connor and it's Jude. They're okay for now

"Okay"

* *  *

It becomes a bit of a routine for them after that. Once Connor's parents are too much he comes over and they head for the beach and talk about non-parential things. Jude tells him about Lena being pregnant and how he's a little jealous and Connor tells him about the time he went to a haunted house and got so scared he punched one of the workers. They don't talk about Connor's bruises or why Jude looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. School's become a bore for them but they manage. 

They hold hands a lot and whisper sweet nothings into each others ears and it's something straight out of a cheesy romance flick but they love it. Jude lets Connor stay the night and Jesus sleeps in Brandon's room. Jude lays next to him and Connor makes him look at him. It's warm for it to be night time but still cold enough to at least have a blanket draped around them. 

"I hope Jesus isn't mad we keep kicking him out." Connor says lifting up on his elbow. 

"Nah, he doesn't mind. He actually likes having brother time with Brandon." 

"What are we?" Jude says looking at Connor. "What do you mean?" 

"Are we like..together? like you know..are we, boyfriends?" Jude says hanging on the word boyfriends. Like he's afraid he'll say the wrong thing. Connor bites his lip and shifts in the bed before bringing his lips to Jude's. It's sweet like all of their kisses but there's something more. Jude lays down on the pillow, Connor pulls back from the kiss, inches from Jude's face. "Of course we are." Jude smiles and pulls his boyfriend into another kiss. 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a bit of a filler chapter cause i got bored :/ sorry lol

Waking up the next morning Jesus is in his bed snoring and Connor isn't beside him. Jude rubs his eyes and stands up, making his way to the bathroom hoping to see his boyfriend. Nope. He checks downstairs, in the kitchen. Nope and Nope. Panic starts to rise in Jude but he pushes it down as over-reacting. Maybe he just went outside to get some air or something. But once he checks his phone for missed calls or even texts he gets nothing. 

"Jude, what are you doing?" He hears his mom's voice from her room. When he doesn't answer she walks over to him. "Sweetie what is it?" Stef says looking down at him. 

"Connor's not here. He usually stays until i wake up but- He hasn't texted or anything. He's never not told me. He-" "Woah there kiddo. He probably just had to go home early." He wants to tell her that she's wrong. that there's no way he'd go home, at least not until later on. He wants to tell her that he doesn't even  _want_  to be home most of the time. But he can't. So he just nods. He hears a knock on the door and Stef smiles. "See? I bet that's him right now." she says before walking back into her room. Jude walks downstairs, hoping to see Connor on the other side of the door and he lets out a sigh of relief when he sees him. 

Connor looks at him gently and smiles. "Where were you? you weren't here when i woke up and I thought- I was worried." Jude says. Connor hugs him and says "I'm sorry" and they walk into the house hand in hand. 

"Hey Connor." Callie says coming down the stairs. "Hey". he says walking into the kitchen with Jude by his side. 

Not soon after, everybody comes piling into the kitchen. "Connor, you staying for breakfast?" Lena says while opening the fridge. "Sure" he says smiling. 

He gets up and moves to the sink, pulling up his sleeves along the way. "Hey dude what happened to your arm?" Jesus says nudging him. Once he realizes Connor quickly pulls his sleeve down. "Soccer practice gets a little rough sometimes" he says looking down, at his soapy hands. Jesus laughs. "Yeah, when i was wrestling one time this dude almost broke my arm."

" _What?"_  Lena says turning from the sink. "Uh, nothing."  

The morning goes by smoothly. They talk about the babies, their plans for the day, etc. Nobody notices how Connor holds the bottom of his sleeves in his hand and if they do, nobody mentions it. Marianna talks about how much she'll miss Zac and Jude says he's sorry. Stef asks if he can talk to Jude later and he agrees.

 They clean off their plates and Connor goes home but not before giving Jude a kiss on the cheek and saying bye to everyone. 

 

Jude begins to walk upstairs when Stef stops him. "Hey, sport. can we talk for a minute?" she says. Jude smiles and nods, sitting on the couch. "This morning, when you were so worked up. what happened?" she says. "N-nothing. I was just worried is all." Jude says, beginning to tap his toes on the floor and fiddle with his hands. 

He's never been a good liar, but he could keep a secret. He's done a good job of it so far and he really didn't want to mess it up now. "are you sure? I mean, if something was going on, you'd tell us right? you know we won't judge." she says. Jude nods again, this time faster. Hoping that if he keeps nodding she'll go away. 

He thinks she gets the message because a minute later of just staring she gets up and leaves. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait!i have had the biggest inspiration/writers block it's insane! But hopefully I'll be back to updating this story :)  
> This chapter is dedicated to Annika because she has been amazing reading the fic a lot plus she's my fellow jonnor shipper :)

_"you told me you'd come to me if you couldn't handle it"_

_Jude says as he takes the rag and wipes off some dry blood from Connor's face. the bruises aren't as bad as they could've been and Connor doesn't even flinch when Jude touches his shoulder. They're In Jude's bathroom, everyone else went out to eat while Jude played sick. He sighed. They're probably having fun. When Jude's finished, Connor stands up._

_"Thanks"_

_"so, you're just not going to say anything?" Jude asks and Connor puts his shirt back on._

_"I said thanks."_

_"that's not what I meant" Jude grabs Connor's wrist and turns him back around. Connor looks at Jude and he gets it. He should tell Jude's moms or his counselor or something so maybe then this could all go away. But this doesn't just effect Connor. He thinks about his mom and how she'll have to relieve everything, the court, they'll probably have to move and Connor doesn't want that. But he does. He doesn't know what to say to Jude so he just says nothing. He kisses Jude on the cheek and whispers an "I'm sorry" before leaving the house._

Jude wipes his eyes at the memory. Connor hasn't spoken to him since. It's only been 3 days but it feels like an eternity. The days seems to go by unchanging. most of the time Jude is worrying about Connor, the other time is spent keeping his secret and honestly, Jude's getting tired of it. Connor has slowly stopped being the boy he felt most at home with, and started becoming the boy he needs to fix. Jude so badly wants to shake him, scream that this isn't him and to let him tell his moms so that this nightmare can be over for both of them. 

But then Connor gives him this look that says "I can handle it. Please, let me handle it" and Jude goes quiet. 

"You know, I prefer the red. It brings out my eyes Don't ya think?" Jude blinks and looks around. Oh yeah, he's helping Marianna pick what lipstick to wear. her new crush must be way hot. "Jude?" He blinks again. "what's up?" 

"Do you like the red or light brown better?" She says, holding up the two choices. Jude forces a smiles and puts on a face that looks like he's been thinking. "I like the red. It compliments you better" he says. His eyes light up a bit when she smiles. He goes to walk to his room when she pulls him back. "Are you okay you've been spacing lately"

"Um, yeah just school and stuff you know." Marianna nods and Jude praises the lord he's gotten better at lying. "Well, you know you can talk to me right?" She says, grabbing his shoulder and giving him that "I don't understand whats going on but I'll say I do to make you feel better" type of squeeze. Jude does a genuine smile this time and it seems like an eternity that they're just standing there, looking at each other. Jude can feel the weight of everything slowly bringing him down and he decides that he may trust Marianna more than he trusts any other of his siblings when it comes to stuff like this so he sits on the floor. Marianna gets the hint and sits next to him, their backs against her bed. 

 

~ ~ ~

"and I don't know what to do" he finishes off. he doesn't know how long he's been talking, how fast, or anything but when he looks at Marianna, he feels like he must have said a lot. Her face is painted with a mix of shock, worry, and he can see fresh tears on her cheeks. "I promised. I promised him I wouldn't tell. i mean, I don't want him to be mad at me but I've just been so..stressed lately." Marianna wipes her face and nods Before getting up. 

"Where are you going?"

"to tell moms."

"Marianna you can't!"

"Jude-"

"please. they'll make a big commotion out of it." 

"Jude. do you hear yourself? This is  _already_ a big commotion. This is getting dangerous. Too dangerous. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone and you won't." she says. Jude tries yelling after her but she's already making her way across the hall. 

 

"Moms. there's something I need to-" 

"I'm gay!"

all 3 women turn to look at Jude. Stef lets out a laugh. "Yes, honey, we know." 

"Well, I just um, I just wanted to make sure. You knew. And. Now I do know and I have homework to do and Marianna can you help me with it? My homework?" Jude rambles. Marianna looks from her moms to Jude and back again.she knows she's going to regret this later but she nods and they leave the room. 

"Jude what the hell? You had an out." she says as soon as they're alone. 

"I can't leave him to handle this on his own. I can't. I won't. promise me you won't say anything? At least not until I figure something out that doesn't end up with him being shipped to Alabama." 

marianna bites her lip and twiddled her fingers. 

" _promise"_

marianna sighs. "Fine but if you don't go to them soon, I will"

she gives him another look before going back into her room. Jude plops down on his bed. Maybe she's right. This is only going to get worst,hell it already has. Neither of them are okay. He sighs,he's been doing that a lot lately now that he thinks about it,and tries to get his mind off it. 

He plays with his psp "That Connor gave me" he thinks 

he goes through his phone "That Connor lent to me" 

he tries to take a nap "in the bed where he kissed-" 

Jude yells. Into his pillow because the last thing he needs is his family thinking something's wrong. His head begins to hurt and he gets angry. He's angry at himself for keeping this secret. He's angry at Connor's mom for not protecting her son. He's angry at Connor's dad for being too much of a coward to act like an adult and not with his fists. he's angry at Connor. 

How dare he just expect jude to keep this between them? Doesn't he know Jude well enough? Jude can't. He can't stay in this cramped room with all these silent reminders of  _him_

because it's not him anymore. Connor doesn't smile like he used to or laugh like he used to. He doesn't have that same spark in his eyes and Jude hates it. He hates, fuck, he hates Connor. Hates that he's so fucking stubborn and hard headed that he wouldn't just let Jude say something. He hates him for being so good of an actor that nobody has noticed anything yet. jude can feel tears stinging the back of his eyes and he doesn't know if it's because he's angry or sad or all of the above but marianna's right. She's right and it hurts to swallow that information but he's just _tired_ Jude's so tired and he's only 13 and he shouldn't be worrying about this, this isn't him (but then who is) and his moms a cop so she'll know what do (but Connor will be alone) and it'll be over (but it'll be over)

Jude goes back and forth in his mind. but he decides that he can't and he won't do this. He'll tell his moms, they'll take care of it. Connor and his mom will be safe somewhere else and deep down Jude doesn't want this. Deep down Jude wants Connor. He wants him to laugh, and teach him how to play soccer and place lazy kisses on his cheeks 

But what's deep down doesn't Matter anymore. he just wants this over with. He silently praying (to who he doesn't quite know yet) that Connor will forgive him as he walks across the hall to his moms. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so with everything happening on the show I kind of got a little boost of inspiration so for all my loyal readers I'll be putting out 2 (maybe more) chapters today :)  
> Enjoy!

They were yelling.

"we can't just let this continue! I am his vice principal I have a duty to these students"

"I understand that sweetie i do but there is a protocol i need to follow i can't just barge in Willy Nilly". They had been going on 2 hours. Jude sat in the other room, listening to them go back and forth with each other. Jude doesn't dare go get his phone. He knows that the minute he does he'll spill the beans. So he sits and listens to them. Jude wants to laugh. _Now_ his mom decides to follow protocol? Where was this thinking when jesus was in trouble? Or that night Callie came to get him? He loves his mom but he thinks now isn't the best time to play by the rules.

"Jude" he walks into the kitchen to see his moms exchanging glances. "you know we're very proud of you for telling us right? We don't blame you or-"

"what's going to happen now?" Jude says. Tired of never getting a straight answer. Stef and lena look at each other once more and stef stands up. "well, we'll look into it. I'll get someone to go over there today. Given what they find, I'll take it to a judge." Jude nods and turns to walk away. "sweetheart, you know whatever happens this isn't your fault. Yes?" Jude nods again and smiles but he can't seem to ignore the ache in the pit of his stomach.

Jude hasn't touched his phone all day but it's been blowing up. Apparently Maddie saw some cops at Connor's house and wanted to know ASAP what was going on. Jude laughed at her theory that Connor's dad was in the CIA and got caught smuggling goods. The day seemed to drag on once Jude told his moms and that release that he thought he'd feel hasn't come yet. Either way, Jude would be dreading school tomorrow. 

* 

Now that he's thinking about it, dreading doesn't even come close. Connor doesn't make any eye contact with him. Maddie pesters for majority of the day except when she stops for lunch. And lunch is the worst. Where he'd normally take Connor to the beach to sit, he had to watch Connor walk into the cafeteria, putting his head down to ignore the stares

Jude has concluded twitter has nothing on middle school. 

When he gets to his last period he can't help but notice Connor isn't there. His mind swirls at the reasons why when the teacher speaks up. "Okay class, In your seats." 

"Jude." He turns to miss Mitchell. "I said take your seats" Jude looks around again. "Could I go to the bathroom first?" she sighs. 

"5 minutes" he nods before backing out. believe it or not, he actually goes to the bathroom. 

" _maybe he's with Lena"_ Jude thinks. So he takes the walk to her office only to find it locked and no one inside. So he goes to the Gym, only to find the dancers in there. He asks Marianna if she's seen his boyfriend and she shakes her head. "Will you tell me what happens when you find him?" She asks. Jude shrugs and walks away. 

He finds his target on the rocks. He's sitting on the biggest one and the waves are so high he thinks he just might get knocked down. Suddenly Jude feels his feet become very heavy and that feeling in his stomach gets tighter. 

He can't believe he actually makes it too him but when he does he just stands there. Taking in his surroundings. If Connor has noticed him by now he hasn't said anything. Maybe it's for the best. Jude doesn't really know what to do now. afraid that if he makes the wrong move Connor will leave again. So he stands and shifts his feet in the sand. He remembers when they first came to the beach

_Jude had never been swimming and didn't really know how to and Connor insisted and who could really say no to him? they were just getting to the actual swimming (because who wouldn't take the opportunity to splash Connor over and over) when high tide came in. Jude barely had time to warn Connor before they were both being toppled over by the wave. Connor laughed while Jude coughed up salt water. "this was a terrible idea!" Jude yells over the waves. Connor smiles and goes underneath the water. Jude barely has time to wonder where he went when Connor pops up in front of him. Water dripping from his hair. Jude screams and falls back._

_"I hate you so much." Jude says when he resurfaces. Connor just laughs. Wrapping his arms around Jude's waist and he wonders if the waves could the knock them down now. Jude smiles at him. "can I tell you something?" Connor nods. "okay but fair warning I think there's another wave coming" Jude looks at the tide and notices the wave building up. Maybe if he times it just right. Jude looks back at Connor. The amused grin never leaving his face. "What is it?" Connor asks. Jude takes one more look at the wave And counts it down._

_3_

_2_

_1_

_"I love you"_

It seems like that was forever ago. The bell rings, breaking both of their thoughts. Jude knows he'll probably have some explaining to do to ms. Mitchell tomorrow. Connor notices Jude standing there and quickly gets up. Jumping off the rock and making his way up to the school. Jude makes the conscious move to side-step him. Stopping him in his tracks. 

"Move" 

"no" Jude says. Connor shoots him a look he's never seen before and it almost knocks the wind out of him. He opens his mouth. "I..I'm sorry" Jude stutters. Connor clicks his tongue and moves around him. Jude grabs his wrist and Connor yanks it away. Whether it's cause he's mad or because of that yellow and black bruise Jude doesn't know anymore. "Can you at least say something?" Jude yells. Connor stops and turns around. 

"How could you tell Lena?! I  _trusted_ you" Connor yells back. 

"I had to say something! I was worried. I couldn't just- it was getting worst and-"

"So you just had to open your mouth?!" 

" _yes"_ Jude emphasizes. "I told you I could handle it." Connor says. his eyes are stone cold and really what did Jude expect? something a little lighter maybe. Stupid Jude. 

"Connor it's illegal!" Connor's face softens and Jude must sound more desperate than he thought. But a second later it's cold again and Jude thinks the old Connor is officially gone. "just leave me alone" 

"what?" Jude's voice breaks " _this can't end now. Not now."_ Connor huffs and wipes at his face. 

"Leave me alone." he turns around and begins his walk up to the school. Jude feels tears sting his eyes and he makes a final dash towards his best friend. "Connor please I just wanted to help I-"

But Jude can't seem to finish his sentence. In a matter of seconds he's lost the one person who's been there for him through everything and he curses the fact that he couldn't handle this one thing.in a matter of seconds jude's left in the sand,watching the high tide


	7. UPDATE

Alright guys Gaby here. So, it's been forever since I've updated this and I'm so sorry but i'ev been lacking inspiration. 

I thought about putting this story on hiatus for a while, but if anybody would like to take over or help or even write a chapter or two (I will credit you) feel free to leave a comment or something!

my tumblr is connor-my-franta

 

thanks to everybody's who's read this and shared it. i never expected this to get 5 kudos let alone the amount it has now :) 

til next time 

Gaby 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave kudos, comments, suggestions. Thanks for whoever reads this!


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